Being Emotionally Present with Children — The Montessori Way

Modern life moves quickly — juggling work, school schedules, responsibilities, and endless to-do lists can make it hard to slow down and truly connect with the children in our lives. Yet, as Dr. Maria Montessori reminds us, children thrive when adults meet them with calm presence, respect, and genuine connection.

Being emotionally present isn’t just about spending time with children — it’s about how we spend that time. In Montessori environments, connection fuels independence, emotional regulation, and trust. This applies equally at home and in the classroom.

So how can we become more emotionally present in a Montessori way?

Why Emotional Presence Matters

When adults model emotional presence, children:

• Feel seen, heard, and safe

• Develop secure attachment and confidence

• Build emotional intelligence and self-regulation

• Become more cooperative and calm

• Trust themselves — and others — more deeply

Montessori called this “preparing the spirit of the adult”—the idea that connection begins within us.

Tips to Be More Emotionally Present — The Montessori Way

Here are simple, intentional ways parents and educators can practice emotional presence:

✅ 1. Slow Down Before You Step In

Children feel our energy. Before engaging:

• Take a breath and center yourself

• Leave your rush, stress, or agenda at the door

• Enter the child’s world with calm curiosity

Montessori Reminder: Follow the child — not the schedule.

✅ 2. Observe Before Reacting

Montessori believed observation is love in action.

• Watch silently first

• Ask yourself: What is the child communicating through behavior?

• Respond instead of react

✅ 3. Give Full Attention, Even Briefly

Connection doesn’t have to take long — it just has to be real.

• Make eye contact

• Get to the child’s level

• Use intentional listening

• Put away phones and distractions

Try this: “I’m here. I’m listening.”

✅ 4. Honor Their Feelings Without Fixing Everything

Montessori encourages emotional independence.

• Validate emotions: “You’re upset because that’s hard.”

• Avoid dismissing: “You’re fine… don’t cry.”

• Support problem-solving, don’t rescue immediately

✅ 5. Use Respectful, Real Conversation

Speak with children, not at them.

• Use calm tone and simple language

• Ask open-ended questions

• Invite thinking rather than controlling

Example: Instead of “Stop that,” try “What is your plan here?”

✅ 6. Create Consistent Routines and Peaceful Moments

Connection thrives in predictability.

• Use short rituals to ground transitions

• Build daily 1-on-1 connection time

• Offer quiet opportunities for reflection

Mini practices:

• 3-minute morning check-in

• Gratitude circle

• Outdoor silence walk

• Peace corner moments

✅ 7. Model Emotional Regulation

Children imitate our emotional patterns.

• Narrate your calm: “I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m taking a breath.”

• Show healthy boundaries

• Repair quickly if you lose patience

Connection before correction always wins.

✅ 8. Prepare the Environment for Peace

Emotional presence isn’t only about people — it’s also about the space.

• Reduce noise and clutter

• Offer breathing tools, peace tables, and quiet areas

• Provide choice and autonomy — these reduce emotional frustration

✅ 9. Reconnect After Conflict

Disagreements are natural; repair keeps the relationship strong.

• Reassure: “I love you even when we have hard moments.”

• Reflect together

• Move forward kindly

Montessori Phrases to Try

Use these prompts to build emotional connection:

• “I see you’re working hard.”

• “Would you like help, or do you want to try alone?”

• “Your feelings matter.”

• “Let’s figure this out together.”

• “You can try again.”

• “I believe in you.”

Final Thought

In Montessori philosophy, emotional presence is a way of being — not a technique. When we slow down and truly connect, we give children what they need most: a secure foundation from which to grow, explore, and become their truest selves.

Connection is the heart of independence.Presence is the greatest gift we can give.