Building Confidence in Children by Meeting Them Where They Are

Have you heard the phrase “meet people where they are”? It essentially means respecting and honoring someone’s current situation, not where you want them to be. It’s about having empathy, being curious about the other person’s experience, and listening without imposing judgment or expectation. This principle maps well to the Montessori mindset. It speaks to how parents can be collaborators in their children’s learning path. 

Montessori learning spaces are organized and designed to help kids develop their unique potential. The classroom provides structure, routine, and developmentally-appropriate activities, and students choose their own work, as well as if they want to go it alone or interact with others. The furniture is child-sized. Tools are matched to their small hands and are accessible at eye level. The Montessori classroom is physically set up for students to explore and work independently. To allow kids to strike their own path with confidence. To meet students exactly where they are. 

Wouldn’t it be great if your kids could carry the self-assurance developed in the classroom with them and receive support everywhere they go? It takes time and planning, but it is possible to provide a similar environment at home. Store clothes, toys, and materials in easily reachable places, station a stool by the sink, or install low hooks by the door. The tangibles are easy to figure out when you are setting up a space with the intention that your child will be the one reaching for things. And when your kid feels capable of doing things for themselves, their natural curiosity leads them to look for other ways to grow and contribute. As they master more actions and develop more skills, the satisfaction of achieving new things builds the confidence they have in their own abilities. 

What can you, as a parent, do to bolster your child’s growing self-confidence? When you introduce them to a new task or activity, what steps can you take to provide a sense of safety? How do you meet them where they are? 

By giving your children tools to learn, giving them room to go at their own pace, and bearing witness to their pride and satisfaction when they achieve a level of understanding or competence, you can contribute to their progress without imposing your emotions or expectations. Besides providing age- and size-appropriate tools, it is important that you are there to offer guidance should they encounter any problems with the unfamiliar. If they express curiosity about any particular subject, identify basic, introductory actions as well as the next steps they can work toward when they are more comfortable. You’re not going to hand your kid a needle and some thread and expect them to sew on a patch if they don’t yet know how to tie a knot first. Your role is to show them the building blocks, model how to begin, give them the opportunity to practice with you, then give them the space to repeat it until they’re comfortable enough to move to the next level. 

Mental prep is also key. Help take the potential anxiety out of approaching something unknown by setting the stage for your child in advance. If, for example, you are visiting the community center for the first time, have a conversation about what they can expect to happen there. “There may be lots of people doing different things, but today we’re going to meet some friends at the playground. Maybe while we’re there, we can look around and see what else we might want to do there later.” 

Consider setting up a weekly family meeting to go over what your kids can expect in the coming week, not just for themselves, but for everyone else in the family too. Setting up a shared calendar in a common area, like on the fridge, allows your kids to contribute to their schedule and think up questions for the next family meeting. Using different colors of pens, stickers, and symbols to differentiate family members or types of activities can make balancing your schedules a fun collaboration. And giving everyone a couple days to get used to what’s coming up can bring comfort before they step into an unknown space or try a new activity. 

Grace and patience. Repeat it with me now: grace and patience. Keep in mind that the actions you’ve performed with ease for years are brand new to your little one. Children may need a lot of time and practice to integrate a new task into their set of skills. It takes them doing it halfway, or terribly, or messily, over and over again. Focus on acknowledging their efforts and keeping remarks positive and encouraging. You may have to accept that your child has their own unique way of doing things, completely separate from how you would do it yourself. And that’s okay. Be open to the possibility of trying it their way. Could the student then become the master? You never know! 

It isn’t possible to predict a timeline for your child to practice an activity or skill to a level of competence, but it is possible to build their self-confidence at every step. By meeting them where they are, collaborating with them at their level, observing their progress, and admiring their efforts, you are empowering them to be independent, confident human beings! 

Don’t forget to listen to our latest podcast, “Building Self-Confidence By Developing Competency”! 

For more tips on how to make the most of weekly family planning time, check out our blogpost Setting Up Family Meetings.